Connecting with your teenager can be very difficult, especially when they are going through high school. Sometimes every parent feels overwhelmed and does not know how to connect with their child. Here are some tips that can help you start that dialogue with your teen and learn how you can support them as they journey through high school.
Seven Rules for Effective Family Communication
Seven Rules for Better Communication and Improved Relationships Adapted by Bob Douville, FHS Student Assistant Coordinator Here are seven rules or guidelines which can help parents and their children get along better and make the family healthier. Rule 1. Remember that actions speak louder than words. Non-verbal communication is at least as powerful as what you say. If you tell your child to drive safely, make sure you do the same. If you say homework and school are important, be sure to take time to check that homework is actually done and not just accept what your child says. Go over it with him/her until you are convinced they have gotten into the homework pattern. Rule 2. Don't criticize indiscriminately. Decide on which things are so important that you need to correct them and which are less important and you can let them slide. Rule 3. Be clear and specific. Use precise language when you state your expectations. "When I get home, please have swept and washed the kitchen floor and cleaned the bathroom sink and tub," as opposed to "This house better be clean before nightfall." This reduces unnecessary conflict. Rule 4. Get your partners agreement before you act. The person who constantly goes ahead with decisions without first talking to their partner is in for serious trouble. Rule 5. Be honest about your feelings. Level with your kids if you are disappointed, hurt, or worried, etc. But also let them be honest about how they feel. Don't get angry if your teen feels differently on something than you do. It is part of the process of growing up. Feelings which are expressed politely and with care are important. Rule 6. Don't use unfair communication techniques. Expecting others to pick-up that you are upset about something or that you need attention or support without telling anyone is unhealthy. Giving the cold shoulder, sulking, denying any feelings, mind-reading, and insults can really hurt families Rule 7. Learn to listen as much as you talk. Be an active listener by showing an obvious interest in what other family members are saying, ask questions to get a better understanding of exactly what they are saying, etc. |
Parent Strategies* Check student's planner daily to see that they are recording assignments. * Provide a designated place and time for the student to study. * Return to school with the student if they do not have all their materials. Consider a fee or chore if this is a repeated incident. * Offer help if the student appears to be frustrated. * Check finished homework daily to see that it is complete. *Once per week, with the student, go on to “ Parent Portal ” and look at the student's grades in progress. Make this a consistent day/time. Top 10 Things to Try at Home
1. Be firm on a regular time the student must be home at night school days and week end nights. 2. Have responsibilities for the student to do at home to contribute to the family. 3. Attempt to maintain a schedule on the weekends , including dinner times, and rising in the morning to eat breakfast. 4. Encourage quiet time (calming activities) at night prior to bed 5. Supervise a “ lights out ” bed time (8 hours sleep minimum) 6. Insist on breakfast in the morning or at least a nutritious snack for the student to take with them to school in the morning 7. Discourage the student from taking employment outside the home. 8. Tie student privileges on the weekends to school performance as verified on Parent Viewer. 9. Provide incentives or rewards for positive school performance at progress note time and when you receive report cards. 10. Keep the lines of communication OPEN – LISTEN more, talk less. Enjoy the young adult your student is becoming. |
Kids in the Sun, Parents in the Dark:
Tips for Parents deciding on Spring Break
Does your son or daughter want to take an unsupervised trip during Spring Break in April? Are they trying to convince you that they will be the only teen left behind in Livonia or Westland, if you don’t allow them to go? Do they already have plenty of advertising from tour companies and trip organizers telling them about the fabulous time they will have?
Here are some things for parents to consider:
Would I allow my teen to leave my home and say they will be gone for seven to ten days here in Livonia/Westland, hanging around with teens and twenty-somethings, but have no itinerary, no adult supervision, and no plans for checking in with me?
Adapted from an article by Robert Douville, MSW
Tips for Parents deciding on Spring Break
Does your son or daughter want to take an unsupervised trip during Spring Break in April? Are they trying to convince you that they will be the only teen left behind in Livonia or Westland, if you don’t allow them to go? Do they already have plenty of advertising from tour companies and trip organizers telling them about the fabulous time they will have?
Here are some things for parents to consider:
- Start thinking about and talking about the issue early; middle school is not too soon.
- Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents. Do they promote the same values you teach?
- Be clear with your teen about your expectations. Communicate your limits. Tell them what can and what cannot be negotiated. These are your rights and responsibilities as a parent. Communicate these early and often, so there are no surprises. Also, communicate why you have these expectations and limits: it is for your love for them, concern for their safety, helping them to avoid self-defeating behavior, etc.
- Become as informed as possible regarding Spring Break and the possible problems and dangers associated with it.
- Many parents plan other options, such as: a family trip where they can bring friends, a trip with two or more families, kids staying with responsible relatives in warm climates, teens and parents touring colleges, a community service trip with a reputable group, etc.
- If you decide that your child may not go on an unsupervised vacation, hold firm on the decision, even in the face of pressure. Know that there will be pressure to get you to change your mind. Team with other parents who do not allow unsupervised trips. Fewer than 25% of FHS Seniors went on such trips last year.
- Students frequently talk about the extreme amount of drinking alcohol/use of other drugs, which takes place, even if they promised their parents to stay sober.
- The likelihood of unwanted or unintended sexual activity increases greatly when alcohol or other drugs are present. The risk of sexually transmitted disease and date/stranger rape also increase.
- Frequently there are two sets of photos from these trips: one shared with adults and another which friends see.
- All too frequently, teens report they have been involved in and feel guilty about activities in which they would normally never be involved. The often involve compromising photographs which teens may not know were taken or were never intended to be shared back home.
- If a teen already have a pre-existing mental health/substance abuse problem, seven-ten days of unsupervised “partying” may be more than they can handle.
- In the past, Livonia and Westland teens have been arrested on Spring Break for Minor in Possession (MIP), Drunk and Disorderly Conduct, Drug Possession, Destruction of Property, Assault, etc. Parents of teen travelers should be prepared to travel to pick-up their teen.
Would I allow my teen to leave my home and say they will be gone for seven to ten days here in Livonia/Westland, hanging around with teens and twenty-somethings, but have no itinerary, no adult supervision, and no plans for checking in with me?
Adapted from an article by Robert Douville, MSW